please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
