we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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