remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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