I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
