so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Randomize
