who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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