your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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