i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
