I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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