There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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