We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
