New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I need to calm my uterus...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
