I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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