I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize