sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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