just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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