Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
