I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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