yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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