Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Buhtt sex?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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