When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize