just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize