I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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