Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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