is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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