so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm sobbing to NWA
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
