I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
