Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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