Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I looked at my own cervix.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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