just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
