i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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