You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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