Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
