saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize