I could make wine with my vomit
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
