She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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