Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
