she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
