I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
