Whod you bang
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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