Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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