I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
