We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
