There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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