She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
