I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
