Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
