you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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