This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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