Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize