the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
