this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
