Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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