I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
