We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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