i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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