I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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