My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
