I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize