Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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