just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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