I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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