Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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