I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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