mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
