This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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