Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
