some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize