i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize