what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
