Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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