I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
