Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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