hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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